Seriously, WTF! Like what on earth was worry time about, how can you have all these random thoughts going through your head, be expected to write them down and forget about them!? Honestly, at this point, I was ready to give up! Who did my counsellor/therapist think she was!? Just write it down and forget about it! Yeah right!!
That's the thoughts I had going through my head while driving home from my session.
As I told you in my last blog post, how was a person with extreme anxiety supposed to do that? I worried about everything and when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING!
What I was going to wear for the day? Was I going to be comfortable? What if my hair decided to have a mind of it's own? What will people think? Was I going to get enough sleep? Was my husband going to be alright driving to and from work? Will I get home in time to have the house cleaned, dinner made, lunches made in time? Were my cats going to be alright on their own all day? Was my family alright? Were they happy? Ok, I think you get the picture now - There were more but I won't bore you with that.
So, the next day, I had decided I was going to give this 'worry time' a go. I'd come this far, I thought rationalisation was a joke but I seemed to do pretty well with that one.
I didn't have much time in the morning, as at that time, I could NOT be late! I would get up an hour before I had to, get myself ready and leave the house. I was in work at least 45 minutes before I needed to be. Now, there was no reason for me to do that!! I didn't (and still don't) get paid overtime, so I was working FOR FREE! All because I couldn't be late!
When I got into work that morning, I opened my blank journal and started writing down the worries I had that morning. I closed over the journal and tried to continue on with my day but the worries still bothered me. I had many more throughout the day which I wrote down. I had left my journal on my desk throughout my work day but in the end I had to hide it out of my sight! You know what they say, out of mind, out of sight. Which, I'll be honest with you, did work! Hurrah!!!
At the end of my work day, I wrote down a few more worrisome thoughts I had, threw my journal into my bag and drove home.
When I got home that night, I continued with what I had to do in the house which kept me busy for a good 2 hours! Then I sat down, opened my journal and read what I had worried about throughout the day.
At the time, when I wrote down my worries, they really were concerns I had, which made me anxious but when I read them back that night, they sounded ridiculous!
One of my worries that morning was pretty vague but something that always creeps in, 'I feel like something bad is going to happen today.' NOTHING BAD HAPPENED THAT DAY!!! Why was I letting that thought ruin my whole day from the get go?? Why!!??
Another one I had written down stated 'I won't get home in time and I won't complete the tasks I want to before my husband gets home.' Again, why on earth did that make me so anxious? He didn't care what I did before he got home!
That first day, working on worry time, helped me realise just how intrusive anxiety can be. There is no rhyme or reason as to why I had these thoughts but if I didn't follow the steps I was given this week, those silly little thoughts were going to eat me alive! I would have let them manifest throughout the day, maybe even week.
I urge you to give this a go. If you want help, I am here to help and guide you. I am not a therapist or trained in anyway but I am someone who has been through the process. I always find having someone open, honest and genuine can help you more than some of the counsellors/therapists out there. It is good to hear someone else's story.
As I have written in my first blog post, I want you to share your story too. It sure is freeing to open up to strangers in the hope you can help them too.
Please feel free to comment below, contact me with your story, share and subscribe.! Check out my shop for a freebee and journals that I had created solely for myself but now I think they may help others.
Until Next Time,
The Unsocial Butterfly